You Know You are Flying Too Much When…

Many people remark about the exciting international life my husband and I lead. We don’t really travel “all over the world,” but there are certain areas that we travel to frequently — Ukraine, Russia, Korea, Eastern Europe, Europe, Israel, Ethiopia, Zimbabwe, Mexico, Brazil, Mexico, and Argentina. Sometimes, we go other places, but these are basics for us.

Now with that said, I travel less now than Wayne. But for years, I did keep up with him and was a 100,000 airline miler myself. So I have a tiny bit of experience to make these observations.

Anyone who says, “Travel is so romantic” has not traveled. The past 20 years of journeyings have been the most exciting and fulfilling times of our lives. The truth is, though, that I loathe hopping on an airplane and flying over the ocean, but I love to arrive — to fellowship with the people, understand new cultures, languages, and traditions, share the Gospel, teach, sightsee, collect things, and eat new food.

Yes, I am not afraid of new foods, and the exceptions have been few and rare. That is another post.

So without further ado — I know when I have traveled too much or spent too much time in the air when…

1) In mid-conversation with someone, I find myself mentally drifting off to the airport in Vienna, Austria.Why Vienna, Austria? This may be some deep psychological issue, but I go there often in my mind. Just. Weird.

2) I sometimes long for the respite, food, and atmosphere of the first-class Lufthansa lounge in Frankfurt. Why Frankfurt? Why an airport lounge? There are so many wonderful places in the world? Who knows, but they do have great food and drinks. Dark, quiet sleeping rooms and spacious lounges. Maybe this is because it has been a true safe haven in between long flights.

3) I settle into a darkened theater in the states with my husband and reach over to buckle my seat belt.

4) I begin to take off my shoes and put them in my basket as I stand in line at the grocery store. I have actually tried this more than once. We all have the “shoe bomber” to thank for that.

5) I purchase and carry an airline blanket in my purse at all times, in case I get cold.

6) I burst into tears when I drop a friend off at the airport. These are tears of joy that I am not getting on a plane today.

7) I panic if I run out of sleeping pills for my overseas flights.

8) I panic if I don’t have a good book and/or several good magazines for the trip.

9) Sorry. Not. Sorry. But I am bummed out if a crying or fussy baby or misbehaved toddler is seated in my row, or in front of me. Or behind me. Or around me anywhere. I know it’s just awful. And oh did I mention that I just happen to carry liquid Benadryl in my purse in case I am desperate — the kind kids can take safely?

10) I am inconsolable when I can’t use my airline miles to bump up to business class because it is too full already.

11) Airline food begins to taste good.

12) I panic when I see the lavatory is in use, even if I don’t need it.

13) I order several things out of the airline gadgets magazine because they are so cool, and I can’t live without them — things like drinking fountains for cats, long-handled dusters for high ceilings, monogrammed doormats, glow-in-the-dark world alarm clocks, c/ds that teach business success in three easy lessons, huge posters of deserts or mountains, the world’s thinnest watches and watchbands, how to speak Spanish in two minutes a day.

14) I want to scream out, “Jesus help us!” during air turbulence.

I think it is time to stay home and regroup or take a train or car for a peaceful change.