My mother-in-law’s sister found an analogy I had written a few years ago when they were going through an “analogy” craze–getting a kick out of some of the bad analogies or metaphors that people sometimes write. They had a list of several that actually were written by high school students.
Here are a couple:
“The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.”
“Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 PM, traveling at 55 MPH, the other from Topeka, at 4:19 PM, at a speed of 35 MPH.”
Well, I can’t believe she still had my proffering of “bad analogy” somewhere gathering dust in her files. Since my administrative skills are non-existent, I may have “masterpieces” that I have written and misfiled or never filed and mislaid, that will be forever lost to the world.
Yeah, right! Delusions of grandeur!
Well, anyway, I am totally in awe that she still had this ridiculous piece I wrote a few years ago to illustrate bad analogies:
Dear Ma and Pa Shakespeare,
Your analogy email was as refreshing as wind whipping through the cracks of the Mayflower’s belly before the seasick seafarers spotted land. It made me consider the preciousness of life like Frankenstein’s mad scientist creator after he waddled across the floor to screw in the last bolt. I am sure this little piece of literature will become as timeless as Aleutian Indians skinning bloody bears and gnawing on smoked whale blubber in drafty shacks as they wait for the spring thaw.
Bonnie Dolittle Wright
Well, some analogies are better than others!
I need sleep. I desperately need sleep.
Any of you willing to proffer up some bad analogy? Who knows? Yours may be as inspirational as a dog chewing on a piece of rawhide until it’s wet and slippery.