Ten Things to Learn about Being from Texas

I am a Texas transplant. I was born in Colorado and married a Texan and have learned these rules of “being Texan” through trial and error.

A friend forwarded these to me by email, and I enjoyed them so much. I don’t know who wrote them, or I would give credit. Believe me these are true Texan…

 

1.  A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2.  There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.

3.  There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas .

4.  If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.

5.  “Onced” and “Twiced” are words.

6.  It is not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy.

7.  “Jaw-P?” means, “Did everyone go to the restroom?”

8.  People actually grow and eat okra.

9.  “Fixint o” is one word.

!0. There is no such thing as “dinner.” There is lunch and then there is supper.

11.  Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. 

12.  Backwards and forwards means, “I know everything about you..”

13.  The word “jeet” is actually a sentence meaning, “Did you eat ?”

14.  You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

15.  You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16.  You measure distance in minutes.

17.  You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

18.  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

19.  You know what a “DAWG” is.

20.  You carry jumper cables in your car — for your OWN car.

21.  You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

22.  The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football.

23.  You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

24.  You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit “a bit warm…”

25.  You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

26.  Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as “goin’ Wal-Martin'” or “off to Wally World.”
27.  You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good stew or chili weather.

28.  Fried catfish is the other white meat.*

29.  We don’t need no dang driver’s ed. If our mama says we can drive we can drive, dag-nabbit.

30.  You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.


4 thoughts on “Ten Things to Learn about Being from Texas

  1. You probably have to be from Minnesota to appreciate the meaning of UFFDA …

    The meaning of UFF DA – Adapted from a postcard from Bergquist Scandinavian Imports

    UFF DA IS:

    Trying to dance the polka to rock and roll music

    Losing your wad of gum in the chicken yard

    Having Swedish meat balls at a lutefisk supper

    Spending two hours cleaning up my room and my mom says ‘Uff Da’

    Walking downtown and then wondering what you wanted

    Arriving late at a lutefisk supper and getting served minced ham instead

    Looking in the mirror and discovering you’re not getting better, just older

    Trying to pour two buckets of manure into one bucket

    Having a mouse crawl up your leg when you’re on a hayload

    Eating hot soup when you’ve got a runny nose

    Getting out of bed in the morning with a backache

    Getting swished in the face with a cow’s wet tail

    Waking yourself up in church with your own snoring

    Forgetting your mother-in-law’s first name

    When two steady girl friends find out about each other

    Noticing non-Norwegians at a church dinner using lefse for a napkin

    Eating a delicious sandwich and then discovering the spread is cat food

    Sneezing so hard your false teeth end up in the bread plate

    NOT being Lutheran

  2. Cute… I have seen one similar for people who live in Colorado, and they were really right on too…

    don’t you hate generalizations? Ha!

    Bonnie

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