Confessions… It’s Time to Unload Again…

Confession is good for the soul, heart, mind, body, spirit, and anything else you can think of. Here goes…

1) I feel unimaginative writing or complaining about the weather; my head is spinning with a plethora of fresh ideas to write about other than the summer that  came on too strong and stayed too long. And yet — here I am complaining about the heat. I feel unappreciative griping about the weather, knowing first-hand what it is like in other parts of the world without the luxury of a/c.

According to the weather forecast, today will be our last triple digit temperature for the season. And I guess the relentless beating of the sun is only magnified by the fact that we are in a real drought. I have dear friends — ranchers — who sold their cattle because they can’t feed them. The vegetation is dry and burned. Sad. Some have lost their homes because of wild fires. And most of the state is on water restrictions. We have watched our summer plants go from spindly to dry to burnt completely. I take hope in the fact that God answers prayer and rain is on the way. I am longing for pumpkins, squash, Thanksgiving, fall leaves, chilly days, apples, cider, carmel apples, chili, stew, and the burnished coppers of autumn.

2) I know I should be compiling a book and not posting blog entries. I have enough for about three books on this blog alone. I need to get motivated to organize it into themes and chapters, etc. There is a lot of content here… I even have a publisher… But why do I delay? Why?

3) The problem with being a creative personality is dealing with myself when I am not creative. I love the side of me that thinks of 100 things to write about or do or decorate or use to show a tiny part of the glory of God to the world. I. Love. That. Part.

I am often dismayed at the part that waits to be creative. The part that waits in silent agony until the spark ignites the kindling and burns red and blue and then white hot until you are emptied… until you have created something that passionately reflects your heart. The waiting can close me, electively, in the bedroom watching a week of old Dick van Dyke reruns… sometimes — I don’t fear — but wonder if the creative match will strike a magic strike ever again. And presto. It does. All the glory to God. This is transparent.

Waiting to be creative is just not a good excuse anymore.

I am not talking about depression here, although it may sound like it. Waiting to be creative is something different. You can build bridges of work by perspiration to connect the creative and inspirational parts. True creativity is linked to worship. And it does help, certainly. Still there is no magic key or formula. You must wait and recognize that it is rooted in God alone. It. Is. Cyclical. And I think God made it that way, so we would recognize and credit Him for the fountain of it and the continued flow of it… I guess I am rediscovering in a fresh way as I write this that it is more about waiting on God for a fresh flow of creativity and not waiting for the process of it. That is more the root.

3) This is my sabbatical year, and I have really enjoyed not traveling abroad. I see an airplane in flight above me or pass the airport and still break out in a sweat or want to cry. I know it is still too early for me to board an international flight again. I love the broad, vast feeling my feet and legs have below me as I continue to recoup from 15 fast, furious, and hard years of travel. Resting right now is just sooooo good. I would do it again, but I would stop to really rest more.

4) My two best friends are my husband and daughter. I am so grateful for them and to them.

5) I love my life. I may be sitting down writing or sharing with a class or a person about God or just grocery shopping, but I am river dancing in my heart. I am bubbling over inside. This is joy that comes from God alone. Did I say I love my life?

6) I was deeply impacted by the recent and popular movie, “The Help.” It rippled my heart and caused me to get out of my comfort zone and impact others, because I was changed… more later…

2 Comments Add yours

  1. mark anthony says:

    Write, write, write! I always look forward to Bonya entries… They’ve become a part of my reading routine, and I am happy to have them. Create, create, create!

  2. David Katz says:

    I am also glad not to have flown anywhere since January . . . I have enjoyed being grounded for now.

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